“Let us work towards a future.”

When I was single, I decided that if I ever had a girlfriend, I wanted one who would accept me as I am, a girl whom I could be honest with. In my fantasies, I would dream about how being truthful would make the difference in a relationship. After all, I’ve had the honor of being the comforting shoulder for a few girls, and guys. Honesty, I thought, was the best solution to anything.

When I started dating, it was cool. She liked the fact I was honest. It was all well and good if my opinion or sharing was on world view, values and interests. The funny thing about relationships, I discovered, is that it functions most smoothly when both parties offer their best. It’s hard to keep secrets and ignore the desire to share. To understand if the other party has accepted me meant I have to invite her into my room and allow her to rummage through all my possessions; the old things, my present treasures and the future possibilities. Obviously, this had not gone as well as I’d hoped.

In my utmost efforts to be frank with her, I would put a disclaimer on my statements:
“I don’t what the future holds, but at this time and space, I like you.”
“Relationships should be built on friendships because my passion for you will fade.”
“I don’t know if I will be able to treat you the same way I do today, 3 years from now.”

My girlfriend sees it differently. From her standpoint, my statements felt contrived, non-committal and made her insecure. She understands my desire to be honest but was looking for the next sentence, a reassurance that says, “Hey, let us both work towards a future we can look forward to.”

Action after all, speaks louder than words. Otherwise, what can she look forward to? This has resulted in a vote of no-confidence and we spent many long nights talking. It’s true no one knows how the future is like, but I can start by taking steps to keep it growing rather than let it stagnate.

Honesty isn’t the issue, nor is it the solution to everything; it’s what I do afterwards that matter. I shouldn’t just state my opinions. I need to include my plans to make sure it ends up right.

“I don’t what the future holds, but at this time and space, I like you.”
And I will continue to do so for however long I can.

“Relationships should be built on friendships because my passion for you will fade.”
So I will work towards being your best friend and take care of you.

“I don’t know if I will be able to treat you the same way I do today, 3 years from now.”
But I cherish you, and therefore I will continue to try my best because I want a happy future with you.

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2 thoughts on ““Let us work towards a future.”

  1. JoyN

    Actions speak louder than words indeed! Though at times, words have an immediate effect. Follow your words with actions as fast as you can! =)

    Reply

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