His needs, her needs

Recently I became a facilitator for Sticky Notes and Push Pins, a relationship workshop for young people to help them better understand the opposite sex and guide them towards a long lasting relationship. I am so glad I became a facilitator because I also got to learn new things. If you are a guy, you probably wondered why girls act the way they do and why they seem so complicated at times.

For example, I’m sure most of us have engaged in this very exact conversation in the past. You: “Hey, what’s wrong, you seem down”

Her: “I’m fine”

You: “Oh okay, that’s good. Hey wanna give me a shoulder massage?”

Her: “I’m going home” You: “Oh…”

Two hours later, phone rings:

Her “Why don’t you care about me or ask me how I am?”

You “what? I did!”

Her “you don’t care about me”

You “What do you mean, you said you were okay”

Her “Obviously I am not okay”

You “….”

A huge fight ensues and no one is happy.

If that sounds familiar, you are in luck because I am going to share with you some secrets to avoid simple mistakes like the one I made above. Keep in mind that the points I share are more generalizations of girl/guy relationship rather than facts. We are all unique!

So how can we (men) respond better in a situation like the one above? How can we be the heroes in the relationship?

Here is how:

You: “Hey, what’s wrong, you seem down”

Her: “I’m fine”

You: “If you want to talk, I can listen. I won’t interrupt or try to solve your problems. I just want to understand what you are going through.

Her: “Really?”

You: “Yes, really. Please share with me what is going on. I care about you”

Her: “Oh you are the best, I love you”

You: “I know”

Major brownie points!

Girls need tender love. But our idea of love is different from theirs. For us, our primary desire is to feel admired and physically needed. Our minds will jump around with excitement when it comes to physical intimacy, but when it comes to “let’s just cuddle” kind of love, our excitement dwindles.

Men also love to be a problem solvers, but sometimes, what a girl really needs is a listening ear instead. Because girls desire emotional intimacy over physical intimacy, she may not be as direct when it comes to expressing her emotions. Behind that “I’m fine” could be a web of underlying emotions.

By simply understanding that her needs are different from our needs, we can really be there for the one we love.

For more dating resources, please visit our webstore www.family.org.sg/store

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