Men and women are different by design. The wife’s role is to respect her husband. The husband’s role is to love his wife. This is a demanding role. Here are three ways for a husband to say, “I love you.”
- Choose a sacrificial love
This love is unselfish, one that seeks the highest good for the one loved. This love is self-sacrificing. The man’s place in the family is leadership qualified by the highest demand for love.
The following story by James Montgomery Boice illustrates this. In Greek history, the wife of one of the generals of Cyrus, the Persian king, was accused of treachery and condemned to die. As soon as he heard about it, he rushed to the palace and burst into the throne room. He threw himself on the floor before the king and cried out, ‘My Lord Cyrus, take my life instead of hers. Let me die in her place.’
Cyrus, a noble and sensitive man, was touched by the offer. He said, ‘Love like that must not be spoiled by death.’ Then he gave the husband and wife back to each other and let the wife go free.
As they walked away happily the husband said to his wife, ‘Did you notice how kindly the king looked at us when he gave you the pardon?’
The wife replied, ‘I had no eyes for the king. I saw only the man who was willing to die in my place.”
That’s the kind of love husbands are to have for our wives. Ladies, don’t marry a man who is not willing to die for you. He is not worthy of you. Husbands, we who don’t help our wife with the kids or housekeeping do not love our wife sacrificially.
- Choose a securing love
Our wife feels secure when we assure her of our love. When you love your wife, tell her. Hug her and hold her hands. Care for her as we care for our own body. Women feel loved when they are cared for. Seek what is best for her. Make her wellbeing your primary priority. For wives, being pampered is the ultimate aphrodisiac. It is a medical fact that women who feel cherished have fewer ‘headaches’.
- Choose a solid love
When a man loves a woman it’s a solid love. He does not worry what his mommy says. It’s all right to love your mommy as long you recognise you leave mom and unite with your wife to have a solid marriage. A solid love avoids manipulation from in-laws or kids. Communication strengthens a marriage. But guys are not famous for listening. So ask your wife about her day and listen. Let her tell you about her day. Get in touch regularly and call when overseas.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. How can love last? You’re the king of the castle and she’s your queen. The queen has no problem respecting the king when he’s treating her like the queen. Husbands, exercise initiative in loving and get the ball rolling. This is not an easy plan. But when you do, you will find a marriage that meets the deepest needs of your spouse and a marriage that blesses other people.
Written by Ben KC Lee
Ben and his wife, Dinah, will be conducting a Marriage Mentoring Training on Sep 14-15 to equip married couples to come alongside younger couples in their marriages by befriending, encouraging, and guiding them in their journey. More information here