Tag Archives: couple

Men and the Art of Meaningful Conversation

Man and Woman in Conversation

“Honey, what’s on your mind?” “I don’t think you would really want to know…”

While we want meaningful, honest conversations with our mates, women don’t really want to hear certain things that guys have on their minds even though that’s what they are thinking.

If guys were allowed to openly share their thoughts, the following would be examples:
1. “Honey, would you wear those high heels just for me along with that bikini?”

2. “Dear, my buddies asked me to go fishing on Saturday. I’ll be gone for the day.”

3. “That striped outfit makes you look like a zebra and horizontal stripes make you look big.”

Instead, men will most likely get the following responses:
1. “You think I call-girl ah?”

2. “Who’s going to look after the kids? Huh? Fine! Go do whatever you want (which means don’t you dare do whatever you want).

3. “Well at least I don’t have a beer gut hanging over my belt and I have better taste than that ridiculously tight shirt you have on and I’m healthier than you are.”

So men must learn how to say what they want to say tactfully. Try:
1. “Honey, you look gorgeous and like ‘wow’ in those heels. And that swimsuit is so attractive. They both match. Wow. Wow. Wow. I can only imagine what you’d look like in them at the same time.”

2. “Dear, my buddies whom I haven’t seen for such a long time asked if I’d go fishing with them coz men hardly bond together and can be such loners…which can be unhealthy coz it’s important for them to share with other men. But I told them I’ve got to help my wife look after the kids because parenting is a shared task. Even though they pleaded, I said I’d ask my wife for her thoughts on that matter.”

3. “Honey, you look lovelier in the other outfit. The white areas are turning yellowish.”

It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it that matters.

Gary is the resident “blogger of few words” whose brevity and takes on love, life and daily interactions with his son are rather popular with readers. He loves his wife and son dearly, and enjoys jamming together with them as a family band.


5 Secrets to Relationship Longevity By Happily Married Couples

Elderly couple walking

It’s a joy to find someone to journey through life together with, so how can we build a healthy and strong relationship that will last?
Whether you are dating or are married, these 5 secrets from couples who have been happily married for a long time will certainly help strengthen your relationship:

  1. Keep a lid on your anger.
    It’s easy to blow your top and complain about your significant other on social media. But have you thought of the ramifications of doing so?Take Action: Choose to speak to one or two trusted confidantes who can help you work through your anger and give you constructive feedback on what you can do better in future. This gives you a safe space to let out the emotions, and is a proactive way of learning how to deal with such issues.
  2. Make time for each other.
    Anyone can say “My spouse comes first!” but if you are consistently putting off having a nice date together because you are consistently pulling in late nights work late and are busy with other appointments, the sad truth is that your spouse is not first.Take Action: Carve out small pockets of time together. Perhaps having a quick lunch date, or going for a run together at the park – these are the little things that matter. And remember – these pockets of time should be screen-free so you can truly focus on each other.
  3. Apologize.
    We don’t need to say much about this – this is a consistent challenge for couples no matter what stage or phase in life they’re at!Take Action: Often times when faced with having to apologize, we tend to say “I’m sorry but…” – an apology followed by justification of our action taken. Instead, simply say “I’m sorry.” No and, or, if or buts. Those two little words alone “I’m sorry” can make a lot of difference in your relationship. This also relates to the next point…
  4. Deal with tough topics.
    It’s easy to sweep things under the carpet, but healthy couples know that it’s not going to benefit in the relationship in the long run. A healthy relationship is built on trust and openness.Take Action: When talking about a tough topic, think of it as a boulder standing in front of both of you. How can you deal with it together? The key here is the word “together” – take responsibility for the problem AND the solution as a couple.Go into the conversation with the right frame of mind. It’ll help to make the tough topic a little bit easier 🙂

    And a bonus for married couples:

    + NEVER give up.
    At the wedding, most couples recite vows that go something like this: “.. to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.”Honor your vows by holding each other’s hand as you journey through life. There will be ups and downs, and perhaps, a few storms. Remember: you may not have it together, but together you’ll have it all.

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A Happy Start

Happy New Year! I’m starting this year in USA on a school exchange, where I embark on an exhilarating journey in a beautiful new place.  By the time you see this, my first week of school would be half over. But before the term started, my boyfriend, who has been studying in another part of the US, got to travel with my family and I!

We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the past two years and one thing that I’ve realized, since the trip, is how valuable occasional breaks from the long distance can be, ie, being able to see each other in person! I know opportunities like these don’t come often, so I thoroughly enjoyed the time we had. It was a precious time of bonding and growth in the midst of shared activities.

Better yet, it was a chance for my family get to know him and for me to see him in the company of my loved ones. It was a joy to watch the interaction and the growing friendship. One of the best memories I took away from the whole trip was the dinner where my father told us that this holiday together was a way of showing my family’s acceptance of my boyfriend. To me, my father’s statement was a sign of affirmation from a person whom I deeply love and respect, and whose opinion I greatly value. 

So, no matter how it turns out between my boyfriend and I, I’m glad that at least for now, we’re getting one part right; the part where my parents have been kept in the loop about our relationship. Beyond that, I’m also glad that they know what goes on in my life and what’s important to me. And now, even though I’m away from them, having kept them in the loop about what goes on in my life means that I can turn to them for comfort or help any time.  That’s something I treasure very much.

Hen’s party

My girlfriends threw me a Hen’s party last weekend. I was blindfolded and ‘abducted’ to a nice hotel suite. It was such a splendid time spent with these friends as they prepared me for the next phase in life – marriage.

When they removed my blindfold, I was surrounded by my friends whom I’ve known for decades, some I’ve known better in the recent years. I was adorned with a tiara, a sash, with a wand in my left hand, and a helium balloon in my right. I was told that I was the ‘princess for the day’, and I didn’t have to lift a finger to do anything – if I’ll do as they say.

We spent the afternoon dipping in the pool and I was educated about how to prepare for the wedding night, and laughed and giggled in girly ways. We then proceeded to a yummy Peranakan dinner and the girls were quizzed on how well they knew the bride. We even had a sing-along session in our room and belted out Disney love songs, which up till now, were only heard in the shower.

But the best part was the time of affirmation we had. With a number of couples getting married in our youth group this year, we’ve seen an emerging tradition where the close friends of the bride-to-be get together to tell her the good things they see in her and the soon-to-be-wed couple.

So that night we all sat around and my friends shared about the strengths they’ve seen in me and in the relationship with my husband-to-be. They showed their appreciation of the friendships that I share with them; they affirmed how we can make a bigger difference in our society as a couple. There were tears, there were hugs, and I got to make each girlfriend wear the tiara and wave the wand when it was their turn to share. The time spent was so precious to me, and if there was a “Courage Tank” in us, it was definitely filled to the brim that night ! It made me so hopeful and encouraged about this huge step I am about to make. I am so privileged to have such a moment, and I am so thankful for these beautiful women in my life, whom I know will celebrate in good times as well as be there for me, when married life gets tough.

A Hen’s party can actually be so meaningful and make a huge difference in the life of the bride-to-be. Attended a Hen’s party lately? Tell me what you did!