When the man handed back our rings to us, they were so shiny that we could barely recognize them. I held mine in my hand for a while, trying to read the inscription I knew was on the inside of the ring, to also ensure I was putting it on the right way. But it just gleamed back at me such that I could hardly make out the words.
For a split moment, I felt the girlish excitement of being married once again. Then human nature hit and I turned to my husband and said insidiously, “You see, this is what you should have done for our 10th anniversary.” We could potentially have started a fight there and then.
As we walked out of the jewelry shop, I realized that what I was expecting was some romance. In that brief moment of collecting our rings, I had somehow envisaged my typically spontaneous husband holding onto my ring, asking me again for my hand, lovingly placing the ring on my finger and saying, “I marry you again. And every day of our lives!”
Even better that it would have been done in front of others – embarrassing oneself in order to express one’s love has a romantic ring to it; that willingness to devote love at your own expense is like saying, “I love you so much I’d lay down my life (aka my pride) for you”! Instead, what happened was more like, “Nah, here’s your ring. See, isn’t it shiny? Now put it back on.”
I learned in this very brief experience how intricately romance and spontaneity are linked. Romance is when, in the spur of the moment, your lover does something nice for or to you that’s unexpected. The surprise element arises because it catches you unaware, such as:
- Receiving flowers at your office from your spouse, out of the blue and for no reason at all – not even as a gesture of apology or to set the mood for intimacy that night.
- Coming home to a house that’s been cleaned and tidied up without your knowledge.
- Hearing the sound of your favorite music as you exit the bathroom after washing up for the night (even though your spouse doesn’t believe in having the music on when you go to bed). Better yet, to have a quick romantic dance in the bedroom before retiring to bed.
- Having your favorite snack produced out of nowhere when settling down with your spouse for a bout of TV watching.
- Being stopped in the middle of the walkway or mall by your spouse who takes you in his arms and kisses you in public, just as if you were in Paris!
(*I hope my husband’s getting the hint…!!!)
After 10 years of marriage, I’ve learned to stop simply pointing the finger at my spouse. What is more productive is to ask myself what I can learn. Undoubtedly, I would have to ask myself when was the last time I did something romantic for my husband. If you’re anything like me, you probably can’t remember! But if you do, write me!!!
Focus on your Family 