5 Secrets to Relationship Longevity By Happily Married Couples

It’s a joy to find someone to journey through life together with, so how can we build a healthy and strong relationship that will last?
Whether you are dating or are married, these 5 secrets from couples who have been happily married for a long time will certainly help strengthen your relationship:

1. Keep a lid on your anger.
   It’s easy to blow your top and complain about your significant other on social media. But have you thought of the ramifications of doing so?Take Action: Choose to speak to one or two trusted confidantes who can help you work through your anger and give you constructive feedback on what you can do better in future. This gives you a safe space to let out the emotions, and is a proactive way of learning how to deal with such issues.
2. Make time for each other.
   Anyone can say “My spouse comes first!” but if you are consistently putting off having a nice date together because you are consistently pulling in late nights work late and are busy with other appointments, the sad truth is that your spouse is not first.Take Action: Carve out small pockets of time together. Perhaps having a quick lunch date, or going for a run together at the park – these are the little things that matter. And remember – these pockets of time should be screen-free so you can truly focus on each other.
3. Apologize.
   We don’t need to say much about this – this is a consistent challenge for couples no matter what stage or phase in life they’re at!Take Action: Often times when faced with having to apologize, we tend to say “I’m sorry but…” – an apology followed by justification of our action taken. Instead, simply say “I’m sorry.” No and, or, if or buts. Those two little words alone “I’m sorry” can make a lot of difference in your relationship. This also relates to the next point…
4. Deal with tough topics.
   It’s easy to sweep things under the carpet, but healthy couples know that it’s not going to benefit in the relationship in the long run. A healthy relationship is built on trust and openness.Take Action: When talking about a tough topic, think of it as a boulder standing in front of both of you. How can you deal with it together? The key here is the word “together” – take responsibility for the problem AND the solution as a couple.Go into the conversation with the right frame of mind. It’ll help to make the tough topic a little bit easier 🙂

   And a bonus for married couples:

   + NEVER give up.
   At the wedding, most couples recite vows that go something like this: “.. to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.”Honor your vows by holding each other’s hand as you journey through life. There will be ups and downs, and perhaps, a few storms. Remember: you may not have it together, but together you’ll have it all.

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Not just a formality

 

Whether you wrote your own vows, or read it from a certain ‘template’ given,

something life-changing when you speak it aloud to that special person you are marrying.

I first said mine last month at the altar, in a hall full of witnesses. And that seems to have changed my life.

My husband and I both decided to write our own vows because we thought it would mean more to us that way. Not that we departed from the essence of the traditional vows, we just said some things in our own words.

It was when I was memorizing and reciting the vows that it really dawned on me what I was next stepping into. The moment it was spoken aloud, I had become someone’s wife. That’s different than being a girlfriend who enjoys all the perks of being pursued, or even a fiancé who gets to choose the kind of lace to be sewn on the wedding gown. This time, I made a vow.

In the days after the wedding, when little idiosyncrasies were about to bother me, what I said came back to me again – to love you and honor you. When things didn’t go as planned, again I was reminded by my words – to be your strongest supporter.

I have to say that it hasn’t always come naturally, although I wish it does. In the midst of learning so much more about each other on this new journey called Marriage, I want to place little reminders to myself about what I have promised. Even if I haven’t been all that, I know I can try again, and that’s the beautiful thing about marriage – you have the rest of your lives to keep working that out. 

Whether you are going through a rough patch or floating on cloud nine, it won’t hurt to remember and revisit that moment when you decided to commit yourself to that special someone for the rest of your life.

 I, take you, to be my husband. From this moment on, I promise to love you and honor you with all that I am, to be the help that God has made me to be, to respect you and submit to you as the head of our family, to be your strongest supporter, to encourage you and comfort you, in the good times and bad times, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you, until death do we part. This is my solemn vow.

Hen’s party

My girlfriends threw me a Hen’s party last weekend. I was blindfolded and ‘abducted’ to a nice hotel suite. It was such a splendid time spent with these friends as they prepared me for the next phase in life – marriage.

When they removed my blindfold, I was surrounded by my friends whom I’ve known for decades, some I’ve known better in the recent years. I was adorned with a tiara, a sash, with a wand in my left hand, and a helium balloon in my right. I was told that I was the ‘princess for the day’, and I didn’t have to lift a finger to do anything – if I’ll do as they say.

We spent the afternoon dipping in the pool and I was educated about how to prepare for the wedding night, and laughed and giggled in girly ways. We then proceeded to a yummy Peranakan dinner and the girls were quizzed on how well they knew the bride. We even had a sing-along session in our room and belted out Disney love songs, which up till now, were only heard in the shower.

But the best part was the time of affirmation we had. With a number of couples getting married in our youth group this year, we’ve seen an emerging tradition where the close friends of the bride-to-be get together to tell her the good things they see in her and the soon-to-be-wed couple.

So that night we all sat around and my friends shared about the strengths they’ve seen in me and in the relationship with my husband-to-be. They showed their appreciation of the friendships that I share with them; they affirmed how we can make a bigger difference in our society as a couple. There were tears, there were hugs, and I got to make each girlfriend wear the tiara and wave the wand when it was their turn to share. The time spent was so precious to me, and if there was a “Courage Tank” in us, it was definitely filled to the brim that night ! It made me so hopeful and encouraged about this huge step I am about to make. I am so privileged to have such a moment, and I am so thankful for these beautiful women in my life, whom I know will celebrate in good times as well as be there for me, when married life gets tough.

A Hen’s party can actually be so meaningful and make a huge difference in the life of the bride-to-be. Attended a Hen’s party lately? Tell me what you did!